How The Swede Got His Name
by addledwalrus
Summary: The story of how Sweden got his human name. Includes various historical figures.
1. Chapter 1

A long time ago, there lived a nameless boy in the Great North of Europe. He spent much of his time wandering from place to place and never really settling down, as other people tended to scare him.

The seasons went by quickly and other children grew up, married, raised families and finally died of old age. He, in contrast, never seemed to age, which only served to further isolate him from everybody else.

One spring day, the boy was walking by himself through a forest, listening to the birds singing and smiling at the flowers. A butterfly flew past and he waved, scaring it away.

He came to a stream and knelt down, using his small hands to scoop up water to drink. Unbeknownst to him, a large brown bear had picked up his scent and was at that moment, ambling it's way towards him.

The bear approached the stream where the boy was and let out a deep growl to make it's presence known. It expected the little thing to move away and allow room for it to drink, but instead the boy turned to stare straight into it's eyes.

Before the bear knew it, the little boy was grabbing it by the paws and swinging it around in the air. He let go after a few seconds and sent the poor animal flying several feet, knocking down a tree in the process.

The boy watched in glee as the bear landed loudly on the ground. He waited for it to get up again so he could play with it some more, but when it didn't, he began to feel worried and ran over.

He leaned against the bear's body and firmly rubbed it's fur, calling for it to wake up. It stirred slightly in response, opened it's eyes and stood up slowly, whining pitifully.

The bear shrunk away in fear, but it was no use. The boy smiled and grabbed it's paws again.

* * *

A king and his men were out hunting in the same forest, tracking a stag that had evaded their capture for the past hour. They refused to give up though, and the king himself had sworn they would not return home until it was dead.

They rode deeper into the woods as the sun rose in the sky, some of them growing tired of having to constantly stay quiet and wait.

Therefore, it was a pleasant surprise when they came across a bear lying dead in a clearing, with fresh blood dripping down it's snout. The king dismounted and strode towards the carcass to examine the cause of death.

There were no signs of arrow wounds or cuts that could have been made with a sword or axe. As he turned one of the paws in his hand, the state of the bear's fur made it seemed as if someone or something had actually killed it by bludgeoning it to death.

While the king wondered what could have done such a thing, a confused child nervously poked his head from his hiding place behind a tree.  
One of his men noticed and pointed it out, prompting the child to duck back down in fear.

The king heeded the man's words and went to investigate. He very nearly stumbled over the child, whom was huddled down in the grass.

"What's your name, little one?" The king bent over, meeting eyes with the boy.

The boy simply stared back unresponsively and didn't answer. The idea of having a name never really held much meaning, it was something other people gave to each other, but never to him.

"Where are your parents?"

This question only made the boy feel even more confused. The exact meaning of the word 'parent' just happened to escape him. He was sure he'd been able to remember in the past, but the current situation was affecting his ability to think clearly.

"There's no need to be afraid of me..." The king said calmly, taking the boy's hand. "I am Eric, son of Björn. Now will you tell me about yourself?"

"Your majesty, it's just a kid..." One man protested, sliding off the back of his horse.

"And it also happens to be the same one I've seen in my dreams!" Eric argued back.

* * *

The little boy sat squashed between a wall of matted wool and a horse's neck, which wasn't a very comfortable position, as he was taken away to some unknown destination by the strange men.

They entered a town and soon the boy was seeing houses all around him and people going about their daily business, only stopping to bow to their king.

Eric later took him to what he claimed to be his home, where a young woman (whom Eric called his wife) gave him a bath and clean clothes.

It was all very daunting for him, as he had never been washed by someone else. The mere fact that he was sitting naked for everyone to see was a bit much and he began to cry.

That night, he was forced to sit with more people than he had ever thought of meeting and made to eat the same food as them. They spoke to each other, drank continuously into the night and eventually were all making so much noise that he just wanted to run off and find a quiet place where he could sleep alone.

* * *

"What do you think we should name him?" Eric's wife asked, comb the boy's hair soft hair and smiling.

"I don't know. We found him in the forest alongside that bear we had for dinner last night. He won't tell us anything about himself, though."

"You found him with the bear, you say?"

"Yes, dear."

Eric's wife placed the hair comb down on the table and allowed the boy to run off to his own devices. She then sat down in the same chair and rested her head against her head in deep thought.

Eric sharpened his knife, paying little attention to his wife until she spoke up all of a sudden.

"We could name him Berwald, considering how you found him..."

"That's a good one. Let's call him that from now on."

* * *

**If you're wondering who Eric is, he's supposed to be Eric the Victorious, the first historically documented King of Sweden. The identity of his wife has been disputed, so I chose to leave her nameless.**

**Edit: The name Berwald is believed to have come from the old Germanic words for 'bear' and 'ruler'. Alternatively, it could have meant 'bear forest'.**


	2. Chapter 2

Berwald spent some of his days playing with Eric's son Olof and they were able to enjoy each others company for a short while. Within a year however, Olof had outgrown him. Berwald found that he could no longer outrun or out-climb the taller boy and stopped seeking him altogether when he was bored.

Olof grew up rapidly and became a man unrecognizable from his child self, with his beard and intimidating eyes. Eric himself soon passed away, paving the way for Olof to become the next king.

It was during Olof's reign that Berwald met two other boys just like him. One, with a lively personality and hair that no amount of combing could tame; the other even shorter than he was, whom often daydreamed and spoke to things that weren't really there.

Berwald was at first reluctant to join in their antics, out of fear that they too would eventually have to grow up and leave him behind. It was a great relief to him therefore, when the years passed and they continued to retain their childlike appearances.

He and his new friends stayed in touch afterwards and met up every now and then, to tell stories of various adventures they'd had.

Meanwhile, more kings came and went and borders expanded. Berwald finally found that he was growing up and would measure his own height whenever he could, anticipating what he would look like as an adult.

Much happened in the centuries after, such as the nightmarish Black Death that drained him almost completely of energy and nearly made him give up on life altogether. Then there was the long lasting Kalmar Union which resulted in him and Denmark having a falling out and becoming enemies.

He himself couldn't really figure out what it was that made him view his former friend with such contempt. Life itself became more complicated unlike what he hoped for, when he successfully conquered the Baltic Region.

**********

By the time princess Christina was born, it seemed that all he ever did was fight, only returning home in order to recover from his injuries. On more than one occasion, he became witness to the princess being beaten by her mother. He began to sympathize with her, hoping that she would turn alright and that he wouldn't have to deal with a difficult boss in the future.

Gustavus Adolphus died in 1632 and his mad wife refused to have him buried. She continued to spend time with his decaying body, much to the disgust of many, whom also worried about her mental state.

Christina became Queen despite her age and her mother's behaviour. However, since she was only six and too young to rule, Sweden ended up taking most of his orders from Chancellor Axel Oxenstierna.

In late 1644 after a victory at the battle of Jüterbog, Sweden went back to the palace feeling rather happy about himself. On December 9, the Chancellor officially passed the throne to Christina as she had come of age.  
That night, the Chancellor pulled Sweden and the Queen aside during dinner in order to impart the big secret. She listened in disbelief and glanced at her subject, before laughing and dismissing it as a joke. Count Oxenstierna gave up and stormed out in a fury, leaving the rest of the task to Sweden himself.

Sweden eventually managed to convince her of his true identity with great difficulty, but once he did, she quickly accepted him and began to talk to him about business whenever she could. She proved to be one of the manliest women he had ever known, a fact he didn't know whether to be amused or concerned about.

Queen Christina soon became very close to her lady-in-waiting Ebba Sparre, whom at first glance seemed like the complete opposite of her mistress, being beautiful in contrast to Christina's ugliness. Both of them though seemed to possess a determination to do whatever they thought was right for themselves, and their relationship grew to the point that they even began sleeping with each other. At least, that was what the rumours at court suggested.

Of course with this amount of closeness, the sight of them together became quite commonplace for Sweden and he even came to take Ebba's presence for granted as if she had always been there.

One day however, he was once again reminded that she was still an outsider despite her close connections, when her curiosity got the better of her while they were alone and she inquired as to who he really was.

"Who are you really, Berwald? You're often with her, but you don't seem like you could be a servant or bodyguard of some sort..."

He swallowed and backed up against the wall, realizing that she had cornered him and there was no way out. She came closer, her smile almost a little too innocent for such a dreaded question and placed her hand against his.

Sweden's thoughts raced as he tried to come up with a false explanation. He wondered how he looked to her at that moment.

"Let me guess, you're a secret lover?"

He very nearly choked at how ridiculous the notion seemed, only to be once again reminded of his tight situation. Fortunately, Christina came into the hallway and approached Ebba.

"He's just a relative of Count Oxenstierna, nothing more." She said anxiously, shooing the girl away.

When she was sure Ebba was out of earshot, she turned to Sweden and glared at him sternly. "You should be grateful that I've told such an absurd lie for your sake. Relative of Oxenstierna, my ass!"

"Sorry..."

"You should be, because next time I won't intervene."

* * *

**Author's Note: **

**This one's just about how he may have got the surname 'Oxenstierna'. **

**After writing this, I feel like Queen Christina might have been the original butch lesbian (she wasn't pretty, like some movies might have you believe).  
**


End file.
